The life of a reporter is unlike anything I have ever experienced. It makes for some good stories. Mostly embarrassing moments. Combine that with the fact that I live in a small region of New Zealand means there’s an extra splash of, “Oh man. My life.”
Today for example, I was on the road with a photographer headed to a job in a rural community. A tractor was headed towards us and the man honked and waved to warn us of the enormous herd of cattle headed our way.
We stopped in the middle of the road to let them pass and I had to snap a photo. I mean, come on. This is gold.
But, the reason I am writing a post is to point out one of those embarrassing moments of the job. Well, maybe not the job. Maybe it was just me, being me.
When the photographer and I arrived at our destination – a whopping one hour drive away – I realised I was rather hungry.. and thirsty.. And usually, you get through an interview and grab a pie on the way back to the office. (Yes, a pie. A tiny pastry filled with cheesy, meaty goodness. Why this is not a thing in the States, I will never understand.) However, I was for some reason at a fragile point in my hunger that I could not resist the plates of nibbles provided at said interview.
Now, sometimes people offer coffee and I usually always say yes. But food? It’s a bit awkward to consume snacks while writing notes and asking questions. Usually flakes fall on your lap or there’s a moment of silence while you chew.. It’s just strange and I avoid it.
But, the table of people were passing plates and insisting we have some. It felt sort of rude NOT to.. Plus I couldn’t resist the warm, meat stuffed nibbles sitting directly in front of me. My stomach was begging me.
I grabbed a mini egg and bacon pie (this is a thing here; I don’t get why) and I was immediately hooked.
I grabbed a sausage roll (also, a thing here).
I resisted more.
As we were leaving the room, the mini pie was screaming: “EAT ME! I’M TINY AND CUTE AND YOU LOVE PIES WITH CHEESE AND MEAT AND OH MY GOODNESS SRSLY GRAB ME AND TAKE ME WITH YOU!”
So, I listened to that little pie and picked him up and happily bounced out of the room with the crowd.
We paused in the hall and I decided to take advantage of the moment to quickly eat the pie.
As I cutely bit into the last of the pie, a stream of gooey meat goodness shot out and landed all down my front side. I noticed one woman look at me, but what’s great is I actually didn’t know I had food on me. The last of the pie was looking runny and I thought, “I should grab a napkin”.
As I walked away, I glanced down and immediately recognised the look she had given me. It was that look someone gives you when you have a piece of green lettuce in your teeth but they don’t know you very well, so they watch your mouth in discomfort and nod along like everything is okay.
I grabbed a serviette and wiped the meat off of my jacket and walked out like no big deal. Despite bouncing back like a champ, I’m not confident in the image of gooey pie insides squirting out and landing on my chest disappearing from her memory any time soon. I fear she’s going to be sitting in traffic months from now and, out of nowhere, a replay of that moment is going to creep into her glossy eyes and she’s going to crack a little smile. A bit of humour for her to carry forever.
Well, I guess I don’t mind making other people laugh at my own expense.
And with that, I still cannot promise I will say no to a mini pie ever again.